


Hearts in Journals

by Robin Gills (Akiseo)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Diary/Journal, M/M, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-11-20
Updated: 2012-09-12
Packaged: 2017-11-14 02:40:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/510442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akiseo/pseuds/Robin%20Gills
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Two students fill out a separate journal entry. Spilling feelings out onto a page, they think no one will read.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Entry One: Percy

Dear Journal,

I feel stupid writing this. Or for that matter even having this book in my possession. I don't want to think about what 'could' happen if this got out. But.. I need to talk to someone. At least someone else besides him. Because of how he always makes me feel when he's around me. I feel like a little kid! Writing to you like this. Good God! Were 'is' my brain. Well how about I tell you why I'm even trying this. Fred and George said maybe I should right in a 'diary'. They were making cracks at me again. And I thought I ought to try it. Well... not the diary part. Journal sound a bit better I think. Right, anyway, I have to tell someone even if it is just this stupid peace of parchment.

I'm in love. (That was rather blunt) With the most wonderful person. Now don't gag when I tell you how it is. Promise? (Stupid of me) Well he (yes he) is the one of the best keepers (Quidditch of course) I have ever seen. He's also the captain of the team. He totally obsessed with the game. I can't blame him it is exciting, even just to watch it. (Maybe

that just cause he's out there playing) He tells me about how there going to win the Cup this year. Our last year... Its had to think that its been seven years. After this year I'm afraid that I'll never see him again.

He's my best friend. (Or should I say my only friend) I'm sure we'll keep in touch now and again. He's told me about possibly being signed with a few Quidditch teams after we graduate. He says he's been offered to join the Puddlemere United reserve team. I'm happy for him. I'll probably find work at the Ministry and never see him again.

I've never, of course, told him my feelings. He's my only friend. He understands me and I'm afraid that if I tell him. He'll be horrified or scared of me. Tell me I'm a pervert and never speak to me again. But then again. After this year, I won't see him again anyway. Maybe on the last day. I'll tell him. Then I'll be able to enjoy the friendship we use to

share and it'll last up till that day. And I think I could survive on just knowing that I tried. And I won't spoil the this last year of friendship.

But I'll never forget the way he makes me feel. I relax only in his presence. He makes me feel giddy. (Giddy? Lord.. I'm losing it) I sometimes want to jump for joy, that he's my friend. I trust him with my heart. He once told me that he trusted me and that I am his only real friend, his best friend. It made me extremely happy and I still am. I told he that

he was my only friend and I trusted him also. He is my best friend and i'll cherish that for the rest of my life. He doesn't seem to treat me like everyone else does. He treats me like he friend he is, not like someone to be afraid of. To walk on eggshells around, afraid that if they do anything, I'll give them detention and take points away. But I'm not like that,

inside, at all. I suppose I do it to protect myself. I'll admit it, I am afraid to love someone, even Oliver. He never hinted that he 'loved' me. But being friends is just enough. Isn't it? Can I live with just being his friend. I desperately want to know if he does love me back. To know if he cares about me that much.

He's never really had a girlfriend. I asked him about that once. He said that he'd never really found the right person. That he would know who he was to be with the rest of his life. I asked him how he would know who he was to be with. I hoped that he'd give me a sigh, anything to know that I could be anything more than a friend. He shock his head and said that it would just come to him. Hit him smack in the face. Then he dropped the subject and we had continued our essays.

At night sometimes I wait for everyone to fall asleep. And I creep out of bed, over to his bed. He doesn't usually close the curtains, preferring the sun to wake him so he can get a few minutes of broom practice before he hits the school books. So I walk over to him. His eyes closed, his mouth slightly open as he breathes his life. He looks like a child, so innocent, so needed to be loved. (And I know that sounds corny, but its the truth!) I wish he would let me love him. Sometimes I dare myself and I lightly brush my lips against his. He feels so soft and warm. I want more, but I know its not possible. He murmurs in he sleep. Something about perfect? Brown locks hair falls across his forehead as he moves. I brush away his the strands. He murmurs again. And again he mutters something not understandable. I sigh to my self and watch him a few more minutes and then walk back to my own cold bed and think to my self how warm his must be. I think about how nice it would be to put my arms around him and just hug him close to me.

I found out the most interesting thing the other day. I figured out what he smells like. It had stumped me for quite awhile. He smells like and all assortment of spices. Sage, is one off the top of head. He also smells like dew on the morning grass. I suppose that comes from the frequent morning flying practice. We almost always work on homework

together and it one of the excuse I use to sit and sneak peeks at him and just inhale the scent of him. It makes me want to know what he tastes like. What his kisses and skin would taste like. I imagine what he would taste like. I think he would taste like chocolate. He seems to like Chocolate Frogs a lot. But his scent never scenes to relax me.

It's no secret. Penny is my girlfriend. But I don't love her the way I do Oliver. We do kiss, but its like kissing my sister Ginny! I don't feel any spark of life, I do when I kiss Oliver at night, with out him knowing. I think of Penny as more of an older sister. I've never really related to any girls minus Ginny. Because she never was really 'grown up' when I'm at

home. Don't get me wrong. I love my sister, just like my brothers (regretfully) and Ma and Pa. But everyone excepts the best from me, because of Bill and Charlie. Fred and George are on the Quidditch team, probably the best beaters we've had in a long time. Everyone just doesn't expect Head Boy, Percy Weasley, to break rules, to be gay. I don't

really like that word. It sounds awful and mean. Something to spit at. I don't like to think of my self in that way. I've tried many time to try to tell Penny, I would just like to be friends and I'd like to think of her as a sister. But I'm afraid she'll be crushed. I'll have to tell her eventually.

We do spend a lot of time together, Oliver and I. I sometimes wake up early, with the sun and him though he knows not and I watch him dress and he leaves to the Quidditch pitch. I dress quickly and fallow. He has never caught on to my sneaking around. He enters the Quidditch pitch and I quietly sneak up to the bleachers and sit in the corner of them

and just watch him fly around the stadium. It must be fun to fly, to lose all your thoughts and just fly. Its as close as

you could probably get to being free. His face lights up with joy as he flies around. He is magnificent, his lean torso, muscular arms and legs. He swerves in-between his goals and then of to the other side to do the same. Sometimes I wish I was daring enough to take one of Fred or George's' brooms and fly with him. Just to know what it feels like.

What it feels like to be free. To not think of anything. Not what people would think if they found out, what people think of me now.

Did you know? After Fred and George had gotten tired of teasing me, George told me something, when no one was around. You wouldn't believe what he said. I don't know if I should take him for serious. But he seemed to mean it, he did indeed seem to mean every word. He told me that he thought I was just the right person for him. I was shocked.

Did he know? 'How' did he know. How would he know anything about Oliver? My heart flew a million miles an hour. I suddenly had a nervous feeling in my stomach, like a dozen snitches in my stomach. He told me that he was lonely just like me. Then he had winked and disappeared after Fred. He never brought the subject up again. Thankfully and it didn't look like he had told anyone else. I presumed Fred knew also. I'm not sure if I should believe him, but this time he seemed so truthful.

I think I should trust him, just this once. I'm over myself with happiness. Just the thought that someone else thinks I'm right for him, someone else knows and I didn't have to tell him. But then again. 'How' had they known. Was he really that easy to read? Was it that obvious that he was beside him self with love for another man? I'm not sure. Its so

confusing. I want to tell him, but the fear of being rejected is so great, I don't know if I could handle it. To be rejected would be pear torture for me. But... Its so hard... Does everyone have this much trouble with love?

I shall tell him, I think. When we graduate. I shall work on building up my courage and I will tell him.

I will tell Oliver Wood that I love him. And I will live, what ever his response. To that I end this.

Perceval A. Weasley


	2. Entry Two: Oliver

Dear Mum,

I want to confess something mum. Its semi-important and I know you can't give me advice because you're, well, up there in heaven. But please listen anyway. I know you do. I don't know why I haven't told you this from the start, but I just wasn't sure if I could, if I really did feel this way. Silly of me really. I've been nothing but stupid not to notice that I had this something for him all these years. sigh I'm hopeless! I fantasize over him and he would probably be disgusted with the very thought! I mean he was a prefect and now he's Head Boy. (or Big Head Boy as Fred and George affectionately call him).

I agree with Fred and George that the boy is perfect. Perfect Percy, nothing more and nothing less. How can you be more than perfect. I know that he would never think of me in the way I wish because he 'is' perfect. I mean seriously; he's been going out with Clearwater for crying out loud! How much proof do you need, because if that doesn't have 'straight' written all over it, I don't know what does. I haven't told you yet and I've only really gotten the courage to tell you this now and if it's taken me this long to 'write' it, It sure as hell going to be a long time before I ever tell 'him'. Though maybe I should.

It did slip once. I was in the Quidditch team locker room and I had a picture of Percy there. I had just gotten it before the game and I hadn't had time to put it away. It had fluttered down to the ground. Fred saw it, and before I got to it, he did. He looked at it and he seemed a little surprised. I thought he'd freak out and yell at the top of his lungs. But he didn't. He just looked at me, smiled, and you wouldn't believe what he told me. He told me I should hurry up and tell him. I just looked at him. I was so shocked. George came around from behind him. He looked at the picture and just like his brother, he said I ought to hurry because I only had one more year left before we would be scattered across the earth. I was shocked!

When I finally found my voice I stuttered, "W-w-what? Hurry wi-i-ithw-w-whhat?" They just smiled and Fred handed the picture back and he said, "I think you know what we mean." With that they finished dressing and left for the common room were they would be celebrating our victory. I stared after them. I finally drew my eyes away from the door and looked down at the picture. Percy smiled up at me waving. I had smiled slightly and waved back. I carried him up to the common room. I made it though the party and put the smiling god in my dresser were I'd be able to see him every morning.

I wondered to myself then. How had they found out? Was I that easy to read? I'm not really open with anyone. The only person I really told anything to was Percy. Then a sudden fear hit me. What if they told Percy? I re-thought that they had told me to tell Percy. But 'how' would I tell Percy? Percy is my best friend. I have told him so. And I can't tell Percy. Because Percy has a girlfriend. It's painfully obvious that I don't have a chance with him. And I doubt I ever will have a chance with the red haired boy. If Percy knew, if Percy ever knew that Oliver Wood, the Gryffindor Quidditch captain, was in love with him! I figured Percy would look at me in disgust and would no doubt call me some kind of ugly word. A few float to the top of my mind. Prick and Pervert are just a few to name.

He did ask me once, if I had a girlfriend. I told him I just hadn't found the right person. My mind was screaming 'THAT'S NOT TRUE! I HAVE! ITS YOU!' I also told him that I would just know, and it would just come to me. It would hit me in the face. My mind told me that it already had. I ignored that voice and we continue with our homework.

A lot of the time I have these dreams. I dream that I'm holding him, that he kisses me softly on the lips and tells me that he loves me. I tell him that I love him too. They all seem so real, so perfect. The dreams are so innocent and peaceful. I wish desperately to never wake up, when I dream like that. To just sleep and dream of the perfect boy. To sleep forever with Percy in my arms. A dream can never to come true, I tell my self when the sun wakes me. When I wake, I quickly dress and sneak out to the Quidditch pitch, quietly so as not to wake him or the others in the room.

Quidditch has taken over my life. I use it as a distraction. I concentrate so hard on Quidditch because the Head Boy is always in my head. I spent a whole summer planning strategies to keep my mind off of him. Quidditch keeps me sane! I suppose I should concentrate on school work more than Quidditch. But I do have good marks, surprisingly enough. I always go to the Quidditch pitch in the morning, to work my mind out of the focus on Percy. I fly as fast as I can. I'm so enraged that I'm thinking this way. That I always think about him that way. I just get so mad! I hurl the Quaffle so hard that it hurts my arm and then speed after it, trying to release all the tension, so I 'can' concentrate on school. That's why I'm here isn't it?

Sometimes I find myself thinking of him so much it hurts. I'm surprised he hasn't figured anything out yet. That his best friend is in love with him. That all I really want is for him to kiss meaningless or to kiss him senseless. Love is so confusing. Does everyone have the problems I do? I wish I had all the answers to this. Do I tell him? Do I risk the fact that we are friends? But I ache for his arms, his kisses. I want to know what he tastes like.

I've figured out what he smells like. It took me the better half of a year to figure it out. He has a soft aroma of vanilla, strawberries and rainwater. I was surprised at my self at that point. That's when I really realized I had a problem. That I was really 'in love' with Percy Weasley.

I can't imagine what Da would think, right mum? He'd would totally freak out. I say tell Alex make him the granddad he wants to be. He 'is' married after all. Sorry, mum. That must be a little shock for you. Da can get his grandchildren form Alex and his Quidditch dream from me. Sorry Da, but I can't do both. I wasn't really homosexual to start with. Actually, I didn't know I was. I always thought that girls were very pretty, especially Angelina Johnson, Katie Bell and Alicia Spinnet. They wouldn't be to bad a choice either. They all love Quidditch. But I just think they deserve better than me. I'm in love anyway. My heart's already taken.

That's the other thing. What if I did tell Percy and he didn't feel the same? He would walk away and take my heart with him. I don't think I could really love anyone else but Percy. Percy is so gentle, even though he is very strict. I don't think he is strict inside. He is very kind and receiving when he's around me. I think he uses the non-rule breaker reputation as a wall. I really think he's hiding something. He looks so sad and depressed sometimes, like at times when I sneak peeks at him, when we study together. His eyes are too deep with sadness. It's like he wants something and is afraid to have it. I always want to wrap him in a hug and tell him that everything will be all right and that I'm here and I won't let anything happen to him. I want to tell him he's safe in my arms. I want to tell him that he can trust in my love and that there is nothing to fear because I'm here for him. He looks so innocent and vulnerable and I ache all over just to hold him with all my might.

Sometimes I wake early in the morning before the sun and I walk over to his bed to watch him sleep. He looks so innocent and so vulnerable when he sleeps. I want desperately to protect him from any danger. I look at him without those glasses that I know he hides behind. And I look at his rumpled hair and I think it would look a bit better if it wasn't so neat, but that's Percy. The glasses and the hair is just plainly Percy. I accept that, because that's who he is.

Percy always has a reputation to keep up to be just as good as his brothers. Because if he doesn't people will think less of him. They'll think that he's the dud in the family. He told me something like that once. I don't think he meant to either. It just kind of came out. But even though he has exceeded, and that people don't think of him as the dud. It won't really matter because they seam to do it fist. Though he knows Ron has a harder time. He's the last and they've already done it. He does care for his family weather they know it or not. Percy is very kind and has a kind heart. That was probably the thing that drew Percy to him me. Either that or that the boy didn't really have any real friends. Because everyone thought he was so bossy.

I know that this love could either help of destroy our friendship. I think I should tell Percy about my heart. I know about the chances, that he has Penelope. But I think I must tell him. I think I must tell him and get it off my chest. Its been bugging me for a long, long time.

I've made up my decision, mum I thought you should know. I shall tell Percy Weasley that I have and will always love him.

I think it would be wise to wish me luck mum. Good-bye for now mum.

O.T. Wood


End file.
